- A Letter From The Editor
This is Kenneth. I should come up with a cool name for all of my readers, subscribers/followers, and supporters… Nah that would be kind of corny I respect you all as people too much for that – plus it is a little off brand for this blog.
My last post was on March 12th 2022 on “5 Ways to Make Yourself More Confident“. Hopefully you noticed I was away for four months going on five. I feel like there is always something, and I promise that is not intentional.
I treat my website as if I am engaging with a large dedicated audience because that is my goal and vision for this website. That being said, what is required of me to cultivate that type of following and loyalty is among other things, consistency. The challenge that I have been subjected to is my inability to remain consistent for one reason or another.
Here is where in my immaturity would have blamed a bunch of other people for things they did or did not do however, I recognize now that I cannot depend on others to do for me what I am not willing to do for myself. I am not talking about support in its various forms, I am talking about accountability. I consider myself accountable to you, but I also need to be accountable to my content.
What I create is important. If I continue to create quality content then I know quality people will show up. Sometimes you have to flow in a certain space and sometimes you have to create the space that you want to flow in. I am not in the space that I want to flow in. It is easy to say that, that is someone else’s fault; when in fact the ownnes is on me.
To that end, for those who care, Life with Ken is still here and it is preparing to come back – again, and prayerfully for good this time.
I had to step away because of life, which is the historical norm. But now I am in a place where life is leading me back to this place. I am going to need a few more weeks but I have a plan. The value of a plan is that it gives you somewhere to start.
I am writing and sharing this letter to inform you that I am still here. Prior to the rebrand of becoming “Life with Ken”, this blog was “My Black Perspective”. When you downgrade your wordpress – of which I had to do for financial reasons, they strip your website down to the bare bones. I had my website on private because I felt shame that my website underwent that type of fall.
I knew my content was and still is good, but the aesthetic was disheartening. Today I am deciding not to sit on the sidelines any longer. In a later post I will explain my decision to comeback more but, in objective prayerful consideration the thought process was: “what is the point?”.
If there is a take away for someone from this era of Life with Ken I would say its to not give up. No matter how easy it may be, or how much sense it may make, pray about it – if that is what you do, or at least sit with it for as long as you can to make the most subjectively logical decision possible. That is what I did and am doing.
I left the website in its original state prior to me investing in it, so what you see is what you get. I will be doing a soft relaunch so the website will have a fresh coat of paint in due time. All of my content is still here so please enjoy. I set the website back to public because in all honesty there is nothing to be ashamed of.
I always try to encourage reader interaction so feel free to leave a comment or email me. There will be some other forms of interaction coming down the pike but I do not wish to get ahead of myself.
I look forward to continuing to create content for you that encourages and inspires you to be a better version of yourself every day. Life with Ken is a lifestyle brand designed to help you live a life reflective of who you really are, while doing so being connected to me, Ken, via this website, my course, my coaching services and whatever else that ends up coming out of this journey.
I started this website so that I can journey with others; and for others who want to journey with someone else. Being a part of Life with Ken is deciding to not do life completely alone or in a vacuum/silo. I want to help you grow because there was a time in my life when I wanted people who were invested in my growth. I am well versed in being/feeling unsupported so if I can, through this website or otherwise, be the stop gap for someone else lacking support I would be immensely humbled and grateful.
Until the next one
- 5 Ways to Make Yourself More Confident
In whatever you do, confidence is key. Here are my 5 ways to make yourself more confident:
Stop being so hard on yourself. Life throws enough at each of us without us also throwing our own two cents into the mix. Rationalization is not escapism; it is a way for you to acknowledge your life through a different more positive lens.
All of us make mistakes. Whether intentional or unintentional we all must live with the consequences of our actions. Personally, I have come to the realization that in most cases for me, I am usually not the problem. At least not the primary contributor. Sometimes we beat ourselves up because of what someone else says or does.
When you rationalize you take the entire scope of what happened into perspective. There are three sides to every story: your side, the other side, and the truth. You can become more confident when you learn how to acknowledge the other side, and then place your side in proper perspective in relation to the objective truth.
The truth is you are not a bad person. The truth is, that other person or persons criticism of you isn’t the whole truth. Part of rationalizing is having a firm foundation from the perspective of decision making. Identify the role you play in a situation and why you did the thing that you did.
The actual truth will always deviate from the subjective truth, and no one in any given situation may know the entirety of the objective truth. When faced with this reality, of not knowing exactly what happened other than your side and what someone else may or may not have said about their side; the unhealthiest thing you can do is beat yourself up about something you do not know everything about.
Every now and again I do this with myself. Something from my past comes up; and I find myself relitigating the facts from the perspective of how I saw them; and or how they were presented to me.
The reality is I do not know the full story. So then, I have to acknowledge where I may have messed up, what is disturbing me about the situation, and what I can do about it today.
There are somethings that happen in our lives that we will never fully know the answer to the question “why?” about. To be more confident, you must be okay with not knowing why. Rationalization is making sense out of something that you do not know all the details about. It is inference. The key here is putting yourself in a position to infer the best possible relative truth about yourself.
Again, we all make mistakes, but you do not have to live in the shadow of your mistakes forever. Acknowledge your short coming(s) then move on. This is not a one and done process, but it is a process that will result in a healthier and more positive outlook on yourself. Do not let a person or situation have the final say on your life.
Affirmations are a powerful way for you to become more confident. Repetition is the mother of learning, what you believe you become, and faith comes through hearing. When you speak positively over your life, those positive words ingrain themselves into your psyche, resulting in you manifesting your reality.
The same is the case with negative words; Which is why you must be careful with how you speak to yourself; and [more importantly] how you let others speak to you/what you allow to be said about you in your presence.
Affirmations are something that I practice relatively regularly. I do not speak about them often because they are not a core part of my brand; or what I ultimately want to promote here at Life with Ken. I do, however, teach in depth on them in some of my content including my Life Coaching program.
Basically, all a good quality affirmation is, is an “I am” statement. As long as you start a sentence with an intentioned “I am” proclamation, then you have yourself an affirmation. Affirmations are primarily used within the context of manifestation.
Manifestation is the ability to tap into the vibrational frequency of what it is you want out of life. Again, I teach on this in my paid products, but here is a post that I wrote if you want to learn more.
If you are using affirmations effectively, then that means you are tapping into the you that you want to be. This helps with confidence because one of the reasons you are insecure, is because you are not, in some way, the person that you want to be.
I usually have a list of go-to and specific affirmations for myself. I am not going to give examples, because affirmations should be personal. Who I am and want to be is for me, as is the case for you.
I recommend doing them as frequently as you need to whether it be five times a day, or once a month. Know this though, that the more you do them the more of an impact they will have on your life.
3. Embrace Your Nudity
Being nude more often offers a whole host of health benefits. In relation to your confidence, being nude can make you more confident in that it is a practice of self-acceptance. Clothes are actually a representation of shame. The Bible says that Adam and Eve, the first recorded humans, hid/covered themselves [with clothes] because they felt shame. Light and darkness cannot dwell in the same place. You cannot be confident and shameful at the same time.
Obviously, most societies are clothe wearing societies. Use wisdom when interpreting this tip. What I am saying is you will feel better about yourself when you allow yourself to accept yourself. There is nothing wrong with who you are. And sometimes you need to be able to see that for yourself. Maybe you cannot create a lifestyle around wearing less clothes more often; but next time you jump out of the shower, or have an extra moment to yourself, do not be afraid to observe the beauty that is your natural uncovered body.
4. Spend Your Time Well
If you want to be more confident, become good at utilizing your time. Having good time management skills is a great confident builder because it shows that you have priorities. Having priorities means that you have something that you care about. And having something that you care about demonstrates confidence because of the importance you place on it.
For example, I manage my time in such a way that I make sure that I always have some time for myself in some capacity at least once a week if not once a day. Rest and down time are important to me. I value being able to take a break because I value myself; and I do not want to overexert myself for things that are not that important in the grand scheme of life.
The confidence is in the fact that I manage my time, and my time does not manage me. I do not want to be a slave to my calendar or alarm clock. And doing things that I do not want to do is something that I stopped a long time ago.
You can manage your time in this way even within the context of going to work every day. Compartmentalize your work time from the rest of your life.
Another contributing factor towards people having low levels of confidence is that they do not have healthy boundaries. Stop letting your personal life invade your work life, and vice versa. Stop letting your social life influence your professional life. And stop letting your career supersede your sanity.
Time is the most important thing we humans have. We spend the first 18 years of our lives not fully in control of our time. The next 20-40 years wasting time. And our last years running out of time. Stop taking part in that cycle!
The moment you have your autonomy, use it. You do not have to end up like everyone else from where you grew up. And you do not have to be a slave Monday through Friday from 9am-5pm. Tell your time what matters to you – it will listen.
5. Be Willing to Make Mistakes
Mistakes live write across the street from confidence. They’re neighbors. Might I suggest that if you are struggling with your confidence maybe it’s because you have not taken enough chances. A novice becomes a master by trial and error. You will never become more confident by sitting on the sidelines.
There are so many mistakes that I have made in my past. Your mistakes are what mold you into who you are. Think of yourself like a sculpture. You are the block of marble being sculpted, and life is the artist. As you go through life it will chip away at pieces of you. Consider those chippings as your mistakes. Every chip (mistake) that happens to you is informing who you are/are becoming. The material does not change, you are still you. But the presentation of that raw material does change.
Another way to put it is like this: if you mess up bad enough, then you are less likely to do it again. This is life. Your mistakes make you more confident by helping you become who you are. They are there to help you realize your potential.
I am not saying making mistakes does not suck, they do. But the fact that you are willing to make them says that you are willing to grow. You are willing to get better. And you are willing to become all that you were created to be.
Most people try to avoid mistakes. They do not want to feel uncomfortable. That is also the reason why most people can only criticize and are rarely on the other side of that criticism. Being willing to mess up makes you better than everyone else who is not. That does not take away from the impact of your mistake(s), you still must deal with the consequences. However, falling and getting back up will always be more virtuous than staying on the sidelines too afraid to jump in.
- Too Far to Turn Back
Life is not linear. When we tell our story we tell it in a way that will make sense. But the reality is all of us go through twists and turns. It’s the zig zagging of our lives that make our story worth telling. Sometimes we think our life is supposed to have some grand meaning; and just like Jesus came through 40 and two generations; we journeyed through space and time to be here at this exact moment. And while on a certain level that is true, what is more true is, our primary purpose in life is simply to enjoy it.
How do we enjoy the winding road of our lives? The way we defeat ourselves in this area specifically, is by trying to rationalize or make sense of everything that we go through. Not everything you experience has to make sense. That does not mean it is not important or valuable, it just is not required to be nice and neat. At some point in your life journey, you may look up one day and ask yourself “how did I get here?”.
Maybe you strayed off the beaten path not realizing it and now you do not know what direction to turn. Maybe life presented you with a short cut that ended up being a reroute. Or maybe even you were on track but had to take a detour, but the detour has been longer than expected. That is life. This is life. Not difficult, just not always easy.
Maybe you are being contorted by your trajectory and your personality. Where who you are as a person, and where your life is leading you, does not seem to be coming into alignment.
What do you do when you are too far out to turn back?
Life is a compilation of decisions. All it takes is one decision right or wrong to end up down a long and tight corridor, metaphorically or otherwise. Has your life become a corridor? Has pavement turned to dirt for you? This is where the ambiguity of life lives. The known unknown.
Growth is not relegated to the proverbial classroom. Revelation can come from anywhere. When you find yourself lacking a landmark that is because you are the landmark. Rather you have become it. Sometimes in life we have to remember why we set out in the first place.
It can be so easy and tempting to go through life and do nothing/make nothing of yourself; Especially if you are enabled to do so. The awe and wonder associated with living comes from actually choosing to do so. Life is not lived on the sidelines. Consider your favorite sport. The game takes place on the field not on the bench. The difference between a sport and life is you do not have to be good at life to get playing time.
Choosing to embark on your journey is choosing to live. The joy of life is in knowing that you chose to live. That is why when things are tough you cannot find it in yourself to give up. Being alive does not mean you have a life.
A life is something that you get. Once you make up in your mind that you want to get a life you are subject to whatever life wants to throw at you.
In the Bible there is a story about a man named Job who was honestly just minding his business. The story starts when God decides to allow the devil to test Job’s faith. What does this mean for you and I? Neither of us fully know what we are going to go through in life. That being said however, while we may not be able to control what comes to us, we can control how we respond/what we do about it.
If you are in the place called ambiguity remind yourself of how you got there. If you are too far to turn back, might I suggest to you that you are not lost. The answer to “why am I here?” is in you. The next thing to ask yourself once you understand your circumstance is “what do I have to lose?”.
Sometimes when you are outside of your norm the first thing you might consider is to go back the way you came. Know this, that if you were to make a U-turn at this point in your life what you think you’d be going back to would not be there. Sure, the infrastructure will be, but what condition will it be in? Also, the reason you left is likely itself not to have left. Environment does not change desire.
When you find yourself in the proverbial nowhere of life, that means it’s likely time for a perspective change.
Going back feels safe because its familiar, but familiar is not always safe. Also, are you willing to compromise on the progress that you have made thus far? Why would you consciously choose to regress? Not saying that there is not a justification to do so, but is the justification justifiable in and of itself?
God wants you to obtain something in the uncomfortable place. The bells and whistles of life are exactly that. Consider the things that truly matter. When you come to an understanding of what is consequently important in the grand scheme of life you will realize that it is a short list. Considering that which is gone will not make it the same. Once you come to the point of not having anything else to lose that leaves you with one last alternative, everything to gain.
When you have come too far to turn back – don’t. when you press forward, you press forward into yourself. The revelation in ambiguity is you. Sometimes less is more. And sometimes we cannot get more because we have too much. You came this far for a reason. You cannot turn back now. What is there for you to go back to, seriously? And is that worth the progress that you have made thus far?
- Experience Is Real
What you go through matters. Exposure has value. You are more experienced than you think. Experience goes beyond a resume, and it goes beyond how many times you have been around the sun. You must be able to parlay what you go through to your advantage. When you think about it, there is not too much else that matters in life beyond the actualization of our perspicacity.
Out of the womb we are learning. Learning how to walk, how to live, how to engage with our environment. Those skills aid us in socialization and being able to connect with other humans. From there, while we are in school, we are learning anywhere from 12-14+ years on average of knowledge. Then, even that gets applied when you decide to go to college or trade school, and or into the work force. Once in adulthood everything we do is a culmination of what we gathered on the way to where we are.
This matters because if you do not place value on what you have been exposed to, no one will.
This problem you may be having in relation to utilizing your experience is a lack of confidence. Are you confident in what you have gone through? Sometimes people tend to not lean on their experience because they associate experience with time. I believe that is a fallacy however, because the average life span of a person is around 75 years old. In the grand scheme of things that is not that long of a time. A sea turtle can live to be north of 100 years old. There are even somethings in life that are eternal.
Most people gain 20-30 years’ worth of work experience before retiring. All professions existed long before you are I were ever alive. If all we go on is sun revolutions, we miss the point of learning from what we go through. Your experience helps you become the fullness of your realized potential. Who you become is dependent on what you learn from your experiences.
The only reason not to be confident in your experience, is because you did not learn anything. This is the vicious cycle of life. If you do not learn from what you go through you will not see progression in your life. People do not learn because they are either actively opposed to learning (hardheaded) or because they do not value what they are learning.
Just because you do not think something is important does not mean that it is not. And that thing that is not important to you might be the thing holding you back from getting to where you want to go.
Think of it like a test. In school, if you do not pass the test, then you do not pass the class, and you must take it over. In the same way, what you are exposed to in life is a test, and if you do not utilize your learning material to help you pass, you will be taking the test/class again.
As you continue to live you will begin to run into similar/slightly varied situations. Have you ever met a person who was just like another person that you stop associating with? Or maybe you left one place or work thinking that the next one would be better. Only to find out that it was just the same, but with a fresh coat of paint. This is the paradox of life. Nothing is new under the sun, but honestly, nothing is really all that new to you.
If you took a moment to assess your situation, I am sure you would find subjective similarities to a previous period or season in your life.
Our goal in life is not to create or seek new experiences for ourselves; It is to learn from the existing ones we have. A good example of this is work. Depending on your profession, it can be difficult to change careers. If you find yourself in a situation where you do not like what you do for a living, but that is the only thing that seems to be available to you; Then that is life showing you that, that is an area of experience for you.
Sometimes in life you and I just need to learn to go with the flow. That does not mean we control the context of the flow; it just means we are going with it. If the flow is smooth, then its smooth sailing. If the flow is rough, then we may be tossed and turned. This is where your experience comes into play. Your experience is there to help you manage your flow.
Are you having difficulty harnessing your experience to propel to your next level in life? Join The Life with Ken Re-Alignment Boot Camp course and learn how to make your experience matter. What you go through is for you. Receive what is yours. Click here to learn more.